Seasonal flu and feeling sorry for yourself

I haven't wrote a ' personal' post in some time, I don't know if it's been a lack of motivation and inspiration or just that well things haven't been epically shit enough to have a moan about.

I have the flu! It's that seasonal type flu people go on about, its swept through the rest of the family like some plague and as a head count goes we are now up for 5 of 5. I feel like death and I'm only on day 1, middle child is into day 7, she's still snot filled, the out look doesn't look promising.

I feel slightly lacking as a person,  this is not flu related, this is people related. Again, even at 31 I've fallen prey to the 'sure I wanna be your friend' * actually read, *I'll pretend to be your friend whilst it benefits me then I'll be mean in an indirect way, enough to emotionally whip yourself so you naff off and I don't have to be associated with you again* trap of "friendship", actually "FRIENDSHIP" you can officially C*CK OFF!

So this is me, moaning, craving cake and wondering why men can't take a sickie to nurse their poorly, emotionally damaged wives?

L xx

Moaning

At present i seem to do a LOT of moaning.. yesterday was the kids with chicken pox and before now I've had a good old rant about well ANYTHING but today has seriously got my goat!!
I can hear you all now sighing deeply but my two pet hates for the day have been none paying customers and none returning of emails!!
I'm not a name and shame sort of person (plus they may read my blog and that would totally be ARKWARD!!)
But i often get asked to make special customer requests which are usually for holidays or a special occasion and i ALWAYS jump through hoops to make sure its EXACTLY as they want it, if not ill change it!! So when you get the go ahead on a design to make it WITH matching items its exciting but you also expect to be paid for this work! i don't charge a fortune and ALWAYS double check with the customer before going ahead with anything so off i went made this AMAZING set and well I'm still waiting for payment, this goes right back to the beginning of the year and despite 4 promises of payment in the post tomorrow it still hasn't arrived and now I'm being completely ignored. I wouldn't mind so much but she is a crafter herself, I'm sure she wouldn't tolerate this if it was her goods she was waiting payment for!
So would you just pop it on the website and sell it or hold onto it indefinitely? I hate the idea of selling it to someone else but i also know that's the BUSINESS way of doing things, if it had been in a shop it would of been up for sale the following day... (grow some balls woman!!)
Now none returning of emails... i don't always have access to the mac during the day with the kids and what not under my feet but i have one of these new fangled devises where u can pick your emails up any time of the day, and best of all it TELLS you when you've got one! so can someone explain to me why some people find it impossible to return your emails? i mean you wouldn't pick up the phone and just say nothing would you? You wouldn't open the front door and just stare blankly with your gob open to your visitor like some sort of pig ignorant zombie?
So as you can see I'm kinda riled by today, I've had nothing but bullshit, ignorance and brick walls! i even had the strangest convo regards a sale item...not mine there's... totally wasn't the response i expected but for once i kinda just said it how it was! i mean FFS! (was that to cryptic?) also GREEDY FUCKER came to mind to but i wasn't quite THAT honest!
Sometimes i just don't GET people, why they do and say the things they do and why everyone is after making others feel shit or after ripping them off.

I TOTALLY worry I'm not cut out for this.....

L xx

Day 23

The last 48 hours haven't been my finest hour at all. Yesterday was supposed to be the summer fair of all fairs... we go along to this massive high school gym full to the rafters of gifts, crafts and goodies. doors open at 11.30 and.... well nothing!! Not a sausage... tumble weed for 4 hours then i loose my temper and we leave!! The general consensus was RIP OFF CENTRAL! For me though i felt incredibly done over! Now i know you shouldn't take these things personally but i jumped through hoops to get that spot and for what? 3 nosey old ladies and someone offering spots at another fair!
This however seems to be more to my liking, Urban Craft Fairs and stalls are only £10 and they are quite regular so 23rd July we will be at Thornton Methodist Church. Fingers crossed there wont be tumble weed this time!! The silver lining to my monstrous FAIL of a fair was a 4 hour catch up with my best friend, yes there was laughter, there was tears but most of all it was adult conversation! A whole day with no TV, tears, tantrums and dirty nappies! That in itself was worth the £12 i paid to spend the day sat in a freezing cold gym with no customers! Maybe sometimes you just have to see beyond your initial disappointment and make the most of a bad situation :)
Coming home to  smothering cuddles was also a total plus point to my day! If only i could get that once a week...id be a new person in no time!!
You may have noticed my mood has lightened its about to turn...
Monday morning comes and low and behold Lis has whacking great big red itchy spots on her back... me and MR Geek Pants debate their origin for half an hour then i call the school. School shriek and ban her from the premises! Slightly over reacting but i often feel like that about my kids too ;)
Come lunch time they have bred under a rock and are as scary as earlier. I thoroughly check the other kids, Zoe has one whack bag in the middle of her chest... GREAT!
Several websites later and a consult from Mr Geek Pants colleague....CHICKEN POX!
Fucking marvelous!!! There goes my relaxing holiday at the weekend and under house arrest for a WHOLE FRIGGIN WEEK!!
Now you would think this isn't so bad... that thought had crossed my mind a few times over already today BUT... by Wednesday they are gonna be bored, fed up, tired and all round grumpy and with MR Geek Pants working the whole week as we go away on Fri i have no time to run screaming for the hills to regain my sanity!
At the moment they are eating me out of house and home and enjoying CBeebies reruns and i sneaked in an afternoon snooze while Emma napped on my knee... this wont last.... I'm terrified!

Now i know before you all shout at me.. i missed my Saturday makes and yes i did make pretty things for the girls bathroom I'm in the process of redecorating, BUT i did paint the stairs and the banister THEN in a delirious state deleted ALL the pics i took of the personalised towels and the mini beach hut wreath i made. yes GUTTED but ya know its set the mood for the week!

AND to top all this off i am SERIOUSLY considering selling Chic Unique and starting over!! MENTAL was what the majority of twitted shouted at me but i will continue to sell wholesale to my loyal little outlets and have a few more lined up but i spend so long working and designing and for very little return if I'm honest. i spend more time giving away for this that and the other than i do selling. Now custom orders however sell by the bucket load, but i spend a fortune on branding etc and the website doesn't really pull in enough sales to renew in Nov.
Ive been considering just reselling for pennies and focus on my sewing...bonnets are going by the truck load and i have done the odd little project here and there at wholesale which is really exciting especially as i haven't even set up shop so to speak yet. I just don't know whats best for me...I'm having a "WHO THE HELL AM I"episode and someone really needs to slap me in the face!!!

L xx

Living with Emma

As some of you may know our middle daughter Emma has a rare genetic condition called Prader Willi Syndrome, and tonight's post is dedicated to her...
When Emma was born, at 3.30am weighing 5lb 14oz i was as happy as any mother could be but it soon became clear that there was a problem. She didn't feed the whole time we where at the hospital and she was really limp. i mean babies are, obviously, but differently floppy if that makes sense. But at 23 and with a 2 1/2 yr old already i tried to put it out of my mind, the doctors ok'ed us to leave and i went home to my simple life. But she was increasing hard but easy work. She fed consistently every hour or so throughout the day, and slept the rest of the time, sure its fine during waking hours but at night it was a killer and even after being released from the midwife etc it wasn't getting any easier so after endless upsetting trips to the health visitor and funny looks every time i said she was feeding this way yet her weight gain wasn't supporting that we took her to the doctors to be checked over for the millionth time.
The doctors couldn't find a reason for her behaviour so we where transfered to the hospital under specialist consultants, 9 pain staking months of screaming blood tests, sweat tests and any bloody tests they could find we where still at a dead end.
Finally we where transferred in Pendlebury children's hospital for a second opinion and praise the lord after one more blood test they found a reason... prader-Willi syndrome. Like you are now i googled it, yes i cried too, then took stock and figured, shes beautiful and shes mine who cares what labels they stick on her she will always be special to me.
Then 2 years of physio therapy, occupational therapy, dietitians, specialists and equipment later and this is who she became..

here she is about 3, she was sitting, crawling, feeding herself but couldn't stand for longer than a few seconds and wasn't talking. It was a painful time, more for me than her, she cruised along without a care in the world, nothing fazed her and with each new mile stone a glimmer of hope that she wouldn't be severely effected by her "label".
Emma is now 4 and 3/4, shes walking but it causes her pain in her upper thighs, she gets tired so easily when playing, she has amazing social skills and laughs uncontrollably over the stupidest things! She loves books and dolls and has a huge love of fashion like mummy. Shoes are her fave and she has a massive soft spot on Mr tumble, she isn't talking but tries very hard and has taught herself sign language and has made up her own too :) she surprises me every day with what and how she learns and really enjoys nursery. She has the brightest eyes and has a big smile for everyone. She also loves cuddles and having her hair stroked, she could also spend half her life in the bath!!!
But there is another side to Emma that has been slowly rearing its head more and more and even though i want to say its an overwhelming urge to eat its not, its her constant repetition, obsessive compulsions, strict routine, aggression and general naughtiness.
Its getting to the point where i cant cope with it, for hours she will repeat the same signs and gestures over and over again, her constant yearning for the next part of her routine is so painful and if you dare say something along the lines of NO then all hell breaks loose. She will cry and scream uncontrollably and hits and kicks. Now i don't know if this has anything to do with PWS or whether its something that she has picked up. Shes spoilt, especially by daddy, hes always over compensated for her. She cant do no wrong and for all the things he THINKS she wont be able to have or do he gives her now. Don't get me wrong all the girls are spoilt daddy's girls, (in a nice unbratty way!) and i do understand but shes such hard work! Can i break these habits for her, does she need to start seeing the specialist again for more support? Am i just doing to much and not spending enough time on her? I just feel like a ball of over worked under appreciated emotion right now i cant see the wood for the trees?? Are all 4 yo bossy gits? am i just blowing it all out of proportion because she has a "label"? would i treat her differently if she didn't have this hanging over her?
Every child is indeed different, labeled or not and 9 times out of 10 shes an angel but at others she reduces me to uncontrollable tears, more for failure than anything else. I don't care what she has or doesn't have and i really appreciate how her nursery have accepted her and worked with her to make it accessible for her, i love how she has friends and they all make such a huge fuss of her i just wish we had more of that at home instead of the anger and frustration.
i can only imagine what its like for her in that little body wanting so badly to do what all the other kids do but even through all the tears and pain i wouldn't change her for the world!

So this is for all the mums and dads and brothers and sister of very special people...

L xx

mum... is it a job or a way of life

I've been a mum now for 7 and a bit years, i started with 1 and ended up with 3 very beautiful and very clever little girls.
Now from time to time I've had part time jobs, more of something to do than for the money, there is of course only so much baby babble and day time TV one person can take!!
Now as much as i love my girls, any mother does, at times it all feels a bit like a chore than a joy! The 5am starts are GRIM and the working conditions are pretty dire. You don't get a lunch break and there's always little feet right behind you where ever you try to hide!
Now don't get me wrong, once they are in bed and all is quiet in my nest i wouldn't have it any other way but surely if i did a job in these conditions it'd be against the law?!
I'm always broke, I'm constantly feeding and watering and changing nappies, i look as rough as a bears arse dragged through a hedge with a hangover! i don't even own a pair of heels or an item of clothing that isn't stained by chocolate or tomato sauce... in fact i don't even own a pair of trainers!!! that's how unloved i am fashionably right now and to honest its starting to become a slight obsession. Each day brings a new low and my poorly dyed blonde streaked hair looks like something off Jeremy Kyle's sofa!
You may think I'm totally over reacting and surely this poor girl has more time for herself and doesn't just drag on the closest, clean(ish) thing to hand at 8am right before we leave for the school run...well you'd be wrong, very very wrong! Yes it is that bad. So bad in fact that i haven't worn make up in the day for oh at least 2 years, i don't have a skin care regime and i defiantly aren't in the yummy mummy category in the school play ground.
To be fair it isn't the girls fault... yes they run me ragged and i barely have time to scratch my arse but its not written in the unwritten mummy handbook that u have to look like shit to have kids, I've grown lazy and well totally uninspired by the high street.
Nothing lasts or looks stylish or practical longer than one wash, and being short and slim and with 3 kids in tow at all times in trackies i look like some chavvy throw back!
Yes i am crying out for style! Ive lost my way and I've become complacent! I was ALWAYS the funky, quirky hippy type in my younger days and well basically i didn't care what ppl thought! But having kids made me aware how ppl stop, stare and judge not just how well behaved your children are but what you as a mother look like on the outside.
Sure, i shouldn't let this bother me in any way shape or form! I have never followed "crazes" and I've never wanted to look like everyone else, NEVER, so why now at pushing 30 and 3 kids and a Mr Geek Pants later I'm suddenly so bothered how i look??

OH MY GOD... I'm having a midlife crisis.......

*weeps into my mug of tea*

Parenting.. PC minefield

Being a mum to 3 girls of varying ages i am hypersensitive to the political correctness gone wrong.  But i fear it has made me slightly judgmental of others and the way their bring up their children. I'm not saying these people are doing bad or wrong but more of not totally taking as much care of these little packages as they should do. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I'm far from it as a mother as well as a person but i do try and live by values and morals and pass these on to my girls. I'm a stickler for manners and i hate cheek, i don't give in to paddies and i always put their needs and wants before me own, regardless of well, anything else really.

My 7 year old is like a waif, she eats like a pig but there's not an inch to pinch yet quite frequently she will ask if she is fat, FAT???? How does my 7 year old even understand what that word means. No doubt from the older age group she shares a playground with. The same children that explained to her what snogging (yes snogging) is and the same children that dress more seductively than i do!
I appreciate every mother has their own parenting technique and every mum has the right to use them but sometimes there are times when i cant help but tut and shake my head.
For instance me and Zoe are strolling through the park on the way to pick Emma up from pre-school. There is a group of mums with about 8 kids all under 4. They seemed to be having a lovely time in the sun, no screaming or fighting just a lovely time in the park, until i spotted 3 of the aforementioned children with their head stuck in a green bin not far from the road. Now it all sounds like a unoffensive children playing scenario but i couldn't help but think that this was a total mummy fail. The park is used frequently by dog walkers, who use said bin to dispose of their dogs mess, drunk teens use the park in the late evenings to give the locals cause to complain and god knows what else yet no one batted an eye lid while these 3 small children where sticking their hands and heads into it.
Now does that mean all the PC has gone to my head and making a mountain out of a  mole hill or is this just something that shouldn't be acceptable whatever the time or place. I know i wouldn't want or accept my girls to behave that way or am i having a total mummy fail??

Now i know the majority of mums out there wouldn't let their four year old where hot pants and a sparkly padded bra but some do, some even think its cute even though it sexualises children and they seem totally oblivious to the social implications it has, not just morally but the well being of our children. these parents also seem to think its OK to have a new baby, naked, out in the blaring sun at the middle of the day and they wonder why its screaming blue murder!
Maybe in a way we are all to blame. We are letting teenage girls give birth everyday, and as i know 90% of them do a stand up job that would put most of us to shame,  but theres the few that don't have a clue and bring that child up like its a toy! Maybe we should be educating these girls instead of tutting in their general direction, surely theres always a story behind a face or situation and given the right advice and support they to could be better mums. Maybe babies should come with a manual of simple dos and dont's. I remember being told when my eldest was weaning, by the health visitor, not to puree McDonald's, I mean who actually does that!!!!! it had never even crossed my mind, i was in a vegetable and fruit day dream until she dragged me back to earth with such a candid comment. When she saw the exhasberated look on my face she simply said, "yes that does happen".
Another thing that gets me is breast feeding. Now i couldn't breast feed any of mine, i just didn't produce enough milk for them so i was left with no choice but to bottle feed and even though i was happy with that, to a degree, some women are more than proud to breast feed and id be there behind them waving a huge support banner! Yet PC has gone so mad that these poor women are frequently asked to stop or leave, cafes and restaurants when they are feeding. Now tell me how you could find that offensive? Cos i seriously don't understand what the problem is. Its discreet and its also better than listening to a screaming baby! I am also appalled that these woman are forced to feed in toilets and baby changing rooms as people find it rude, RUDE are you kidding?? And its always those people who where breast fed themselves at a time when there was no alternative.

Don't get me wrong I'm not preaching, I'm no where near perfect... i am sat here eating cupcakes (homemade of course!) and i appreciate you cant please all people all the time but these children will be in charge one day.. they will be doctors and PMs or more importantly, parents themselves and if we don't instill some old fashioned morals and values the whole would will be taken over by the "Jordan's" of the world and everything will be pink with diamante's!

Being me...

Right now being me is a bit like being a sporadic, crazy, cartwheeling moron! one minute its all chocolate box cottages with roses round the door, the next I'm clearing up after someone Else's bullshit!
They say 'everything happens for a reason'. this i have lived by my entire life, through my own choosing, and everything, however shit things have been, have always worked out in the end. No nothing worth doing has ever been easy, no I've never been handed anything to me on a shiny silver platter and no I've never had a free ride. Ive scrimped, saved, worked my fingers to the bone, done without, made sacrifices and made tough decisions to be where i am now, no its not perfect, i don't have what i want but underneath it all i am happy and i am very content in my boring, mundane life style working within my daughters routines and spreading myself thin to keep everyone happy. Would i swap it for fame and success? No probably not. All i ask is a little respect, maybe a touch of admiration and a tiny amount of gratification for digging deep and helping ppl that, well lets be honest, will never help me out in return. No i don't do it for these things, i do it cos it makes me smile, i do it cos i feel karma is alive and kicking and id rather be on the good end, and i do it cos id like ppl to do the same for me, not in return but i believe you should treat ppl in the way you want to be treated. Have i been shit on from a great height regardless of these things?? hahaha well yes of course, who hasn't been shit on! whether you deserve it or not we have all had miss happenings with people we would rather not happen. Do i hold grudges.. no i don't think i do really. Sure, theres some people i cant forgive and forget, some things cant be undone no matter what you do or say but like i said, KARMA! they will get theirs in the end, whether they deserve it or not, what goes around comes around!! manners don't cost a penny, or a thought or even time yet ppl don't use them? Why?? has society bred a generation of inconsiderate, manner less brats that expect a free lunch? Or am i to old skool to accept that things aren't like they where once upon a time when kids believed in fairy's at the bottom of the garden and the lady next door always brings an apple pie on a Saturday tea time? Maybe if we concentrated more on what we do have and not what we don't have then ppl wouldn't be as angry and self absorbed.. maybe if ppl did more for others for no return the world would be a nicer place... maybe i was just born 60 years to late.. maybe I'm just dissillusional about life and i need a slap!!! maybe, like the hubby says, I'm to soft and i should harden up!! maybe i should just go hide under my duvet and cry and accept that throughout my life ppl will take advantage, at least i know, regardless of what shit happens i have someone i can turn to, rely on and moan to....my gorgeous, lovely hubby! Now can you say that? mr and mrs i dont give a shit who i hurt to get my own way!..  Now to you all out there that have used and abused me.... in the words of you me at six.. You've made your bed so sleep in it.....


L xx

is it me???

Another hideously early morning with the girls, a featured page on etsy just gone, no sales for another day and i feel like throwing in the towel!
Everywhere you go online or in store to browse fashion stores, and its there, jewellery just like mine or dare i say it horrible, at disgusting prices yet im struggling to get ppl interested! notonthehighstreet.com told me no and it feels much like the straw that broke the camels back. I kno its hard and i kno it needs determination and drive, those i have, but that thing im missing to get ppl going crazy about it, that i seriously DONT have! Im not being greedy, i do ok selling privately and not to bad thru etsy at times but this isnt about money its about noteriety for what i do! i want someone to come along and go WOW! maybe its me, maybe i just dont have that creative spark, that touch thats just out of the norm that get ppl looking and spreading the word!
God i sound like my mother, a moaning old hag!!!
well ill leave u with that, while the future of chic unique hangs in the balance, i know we have all had moments where it all seems a bit much, maybe its 6 months of sleep deprivation, maybe its boredom, maybe im just ungrateful, maybe i just need help i cant get.....

L xx

moan..

well i dont know about you but i need a good old fashioned MOAN!! i suppose i shouldnt really, cant really say i have an awful lot to complain about, we are all (well apart from emma with her prader-willi syndrome) healthy, we arent skint and we're all happy :) but sometimes its the things that dont matter that really bug the life right out of you!
Seting up a ' business' on my own with no help or funding is a bit daunting but ive jumped right in and its not gone t*ts up like i imagined it would and after the storming xmas i had the jan lul is a bit scarey! i have made 1 sale so its not all bad and its a step towards my 300 sales for the year..which by the way now seems a squillion miles away!!
BUT there is also a squillion things i NEED to buy to push chic unique out there! I need business cards, post cards, huge stock supplies, more beautiful photos by @shotbylucy and i need to make a start on my wrapping! But it all seems to be stuff thats just a pinch outside my budget and Im not one to do half a job, i mean whats the point if ur going to do it do it well!!  I seriously dont want a business loan or loan of any kind really, i dont want to start out in debt! and from what i've read grants are out! So its sales sales sales i need and quick!! Vicious circle, better photos etc bring more sales but need sales to get better photos etc.... maybe asking to review things is a step forward in return for honest blogging :)
(NOTE: anyone reading this that wants free advertising for the aforementioned goods please drop me a line :D)
What?? to cheeky???
Hahahaha you dont get anything these days if your not willing to ask!! I also wouldnt mind a celebrity endorsement but possibly a step to far ??? haha
Well so much for my moan, turned into a bit of begging actually!!
Lunch is cooking, kids are playing (im not sure what but theres no tears so im happy), and its snowing outside but atleast we are tucked up warm inside, for now!
I just wanna say tho, ive met some really lovely and fantastic women on twitter of late and its definatly increased my faith in the human race... not all are out to rip you off!
so ill leave it there..for now.. think i hear the timer buzzing...