Wednesday, 12 October 2011

shouty

Today is most defiantly a shouty day!! i woke in a FOUL mood, no doubt someone wronged me in my land of slumber and i seemed to have woken up before i managed to throat punch them to justice.
Emma has been in a moany mood for 48 hours and there is only so much complaining a girl can deal with, zoe has been equally as moany but with tears thrown in for good measure. Elissa has been playing the marter, just for a change, and Mr Geek Pants has been 'asking' me (in other words politely TELLING me what to do, which for the record i HATE!) to do stuff for him that he's quite capable of doing himself!!!
I think this post should of come with a severe health warning!!
I'm currently trying to do a stock take of the items i have sent since FEB to an outlet, not the easiest of tasks when you have been a total knob and not kept proper records!! *sigh*
A VERY nice friend ..(ok totally changing the subject for a sec) told me yesterday i was an inspiration to women for juggling home life, kids, small business and my own sanity whilst looking marginally calm on the outside. I was, as you can imagine, brought to tears that such an amazing woman herself could say something so kind about little old, crazy me! But all i can think about, 12 hrs on, is that I'm so totally shit at everything i do.
This would be where a 'Doctor' would tell me how its all my mothers fault for being a total bitch to me as a child..(ok maybe not their words there!) I think ill add her to my stabby list while I'm at it!.. however its my own life choices and experiences that bring me to that conclusion. I don't sit here in an emotional mess on a daily basis but I'm not one to pass the buck. Oh don't get me wrong theres plenty of excuses i can use to be teetering on the edge on the psychotic presipis but hey who am i to judge?!
I took on the pressure of a small business to ease the financial burden on mr geek pants, yet at least once a day he'll be telling me (in a 'only cos i love you' kind of way...also HATE!) what I'm doing wrong, how cut throat i need to be to succeed and how if I'm not already rich i should call it a day! *sigh* then the minute an order rolls in he's on the band wagon again, talk about mixed messages!! I also shunt invest serious money in to it, 'Just in case' but also agrees that if i don't invest i can't grow *SIGH*
So what does a girl do faced with adversity at every turn? She bakes cakes and hides in the office at any possible opportunity, she avoids ' business talk' and pretends it doesn't matter!
But where do i want to be in 5 years time? surely thats the business plan everyone should have, a five year goal. To be fair i don't even know the answer to that. Part of me wants to be an established brand part of me just wants to be living in the country with kids with dirty knees and chickens.
Seriously, what IS a girl to do???